Yesterday, I sat, kneeling at the edge of my bed, trying to decide what I was going to give up. I thought about giving back more money to various causes. I thought I could fast from purchasing anything for myself. But, I couldn't get this phrase out of my head: "Maybe that there isn't one."
I had texted this phrase to one of my friends when I was helping them with something. What I meant was that maybe they didn't need anything or anyone but to cultivate a relationship with Christ.
I knew exactly what God meant when He kept putting that phrase in my mind. He was telling me that He wants me to continue to focus all of my attention on Him and Him alone. He wants me to keep embracing the uncomfortable and stepping outside my comfort zone. He wants me to continue doing the good things that I am doing, like reading the Bible, worshiping Him, and loving Him and His children outrageously.
He wants me to do all of these things instead of fasting. Instead of focusing all my energy on fasting from TV, or whatever, He wants me to focus all my energy on Him and on what He has been telling me to do all along.
Fasting from something and forgetting what He has already been telling me what to do is not what He wants from me this time.
I have fasted so many times and have failed. No, I haven't broken my fast. But, I have done something that's just as bad. I have focused so hard on depriving myself, that I forgot that the whole point of this fast is to get closer to God.
Maybe it's just me, but I have trouble focusing completely on multiple things. It works a whole lot better when I focus on one thing. And that one thing I am going to focus on is Christ.
That is why I am not fasting for Lent.
What do you think?
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