When It Doesn't Feel Like Christmas

I'm not the only one. I'm not the only one who feels this way. I'm not the only one who feels like it doesn't feel like Christmas. It's not just me. I have talked to a few friends and family, and they all say it the same way: It doesn't feel like Christmas and everything is going by so quickly.

I'm sure you've felt this way before. Like it doesn't feel like Christmas. Real talk y'all, as I was writing down the date on Sunday, I wrote September. No kidding, I seriously feel like it's still September. It's going by so fast!

Over the past couple of weeks or so, it has really been on my mind that it doesn't feel like Christmas. I haven't been able to escape it. It just looms over my head like a dark, gloomy cloud. I try to allude it, but it keeps coming up.

As I was chatting with my best friend, I said I hated that it didn't feel like Christmas. Like I literally was angry. Because I love Christmas. Christmas is my favorite time of the year. I didn't want to miss it. I don't want to miss it. I desperately just wanted to fix it. I thought if I just fixed it, that all would be right in the world again.

But that's not true. My mom reminded me that I should try to listen to God's thoughts on the subject. On Sunday morning, before I wrote September on my sermon notes, I wrote this in my prayer journal:

"Jesus, help me not to miss the wonder of Christmas. The wonder of your birth. Keep my heart tender and sensitive to what you did and what you are actively doing, Holy One. Hold my heart and speak peace and whatever it is I need into the depths of my soul. It doesn't feel like Christmas, and I don't know why. I desperately just want to fix it and make it better, but maybe I just need to watch the miracles in the middle of the mess. Maybe this is all part of your plan. Maybe there's a reason for this. Maybe your just waiting for me to find you, when my tired eyes stop looking for 'Christmas' with it's red bows and reindeer, and actually look for You, Christ, with Your scarred hands and scandalous grace. Maybe, just maybe, that's it."

The very next day, I hit a hard realization. That realization was: "I missed it." And as I thought deeply about missing it, {by "it" I mean Christmas, joy, peace, the heart of Christmas, what it's actually about, etc.} God whispered, "No, but you might. You still have a few days left. It's not over yet."

I should mention, I am an emotionally driven person. I rely on my emotions to get me ready, excited, etc. So if I don't feel it, it doesn't/shouldn't happen. And through all of this, I kept thinking, "You should just make it. You should just make it feel like Christmas."

And here I am, writing this post at 4:48 pm on Tuesday, December 20th, and God is still speaking to me. I am not there yet. It still doesn't feel like Christmas. But God just {literally like 10 seconds ago} reminded me that I don't have the power to do that. I don't have the power to make it feel like Christmas. Only He does. He's the One.

I can't make it feel like Christmas. You can't make it feel like Christmas. None of us can make it feel like Christmas. Only God can do that. Maybe that's not the point. Maybe it's not supposed to feel like Christmas. Maybe God is using this mess to make a miracle. 

Perhaps, God is teaching me something. Because I am not on the other side yet, I don't know what He's trying to teach me. But that's okay. I used to think that it all had to be good. I was so obsessed with everything being alright and perfect, but God has been showing me that that's not the way that life is. Life is a mess. It's time for us to allow others to see our messes. 

So here I am, broken and far from perfect. Totally unknowing of what God is going to do next, but anticipating what might come. But I'm here, and I am sharing. And that is all God is asking.

But the real question is, how can I/we focus on God since He's the one that we are supposed to see? How can I focus on Him instead of the fact that it doesn't feel like Christmas? One way that I feel God is through worship. A favorite worship/Christmas song right now is Receive Our King by Meredith Andrews. It keeps refocusing me on Jesus, the Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace, Son of God. Also, go listen to Christy Nockels's new Christmas album called A Thrill of Hope. It is SO GOOD.

And the other thing that keeps me focused on God is service. I find that when I am focused on serving and helping others, I get joy, I get peace. The ways that I have been really trying to give is through random acts of kindness and through Dressember. Molly Stillman has two {one and two} great and comprehensive posts full of amazing random acts of kindness. 

If you would like to learn more about Dressember. Go here.

I pray that you would experience God in a mighty and lasting way this Christmas. That you would know God in such a magnificent way. I pray that you would feel God and know God. And that you would give, that you would worship, that you will focus on God even if it doesn't feel like Christmas.

See where I link up here.